Mental Health Moment: Soft Life, Hard Truths
3 hard truths and 7 tips for embracing a softer life.
We see the mountains you’ve been carrying, and we invite you to set them down.
This is where we pause. Where we tell the truth about what it costs to constantly push, perform, and hold it all together. And where we imagine another way.
The soft life has become a cultural rallying cry—an invitation to slow down, live gently, and embrace ease. But behind the soothing visuals and trending hashtags is a deeper truth: softness takes work. Choosing rest in a world that glorifies grind is a radical act. It means confronting what we’ve internalized about worth, productivity, and strength.
In this post, I’m unpacking the paradoxes of ease—why it’s both deeply necessary and often deeply uncomfortable. If you’ve ever struggled to let go of the hustle or questioned whether you’ve truly earned your rest, this one’s for you.
Grind Culture and Its Consequences
Many of us know the script all too well: wake up earlier than the sun, double (or triple) your workload, chase the next degree or promotion, then collapse into bed only to do it again tomorrow. This relentless hustle, often celebrated as “grind culture,” has long been heralded as the key to success—especially for those in marginalized or high-pressure environments, where the message is often to work “twice as hard” just to be seen. But the cost of this machine-level pace is staggering.
Recent studies validate what our bodies and elders have been whispering for years: chronic overwork leads to serious health consequences. Individuals who push themselves to the brink – a phenomenon researchers call John Henryism – often end up with higher risks of hypertension and heart disease. The term comes from the legend of John Henry, a railroad worker who literally worked himself to death trying to outperform a steam engine. In modern times, John Henryism describes a coping style of exhaustive effort in the face of unrelenting stressors (think long hours, microaggressions, financial strain), which can drive up cortisol levels and lead to burnout.
Burnout is now at a tipping point. A 2024 workforce report found that nearly 3 in 5 American workers feel at least moderately burned out.For many professionals navigating corporate spaces, burnout can be compounded by identity-related stress.. One survey by a mental health app found that nearly 40% of respondents have left a job because they felt “unsafe in their identity” at work. An astonishing 66% of respondents surveyed said they “overexert themselves to excel in the workplace” while also juggling personal responsibilities. We see this in everyday stories – the manager who logs back on at midnight to finish the report, the only Black executive in the room who feels pressure to represent an entire community, or the new hire enduring daily microaggressions without a safe outlet to decompress. Over time, this grind wears down not just our bodies, but also our spirits.
In a 2023 APA Stress in America poll, nearly a quarter of adults (24%) rated their average stress between 8 and 10 on a scale of one to 10, where 1 means little to no stress and 10 means a great deal of stress. The fallout goes beyond the individual. When talented professionals burn out or leave corporate America altogether, companies lose key voices and leadership suffers. Since the pandemic, more than 200,000 individuals have left the workforce—some to take on caregiving responsibilities, and many others due to unsustainable workplace cultures. This exodus, especially from leadership roles, is a canary in the coal mine. It signals a work culture that must change or risk crushing the very people who kept it afloat through turmoil.
The Appeal of the Soft Life
If you’ve scrolled social media lately, you’ve probably noticed the glow-up of the #SoftLife. From TikTok reels of luxurious quiet mornings to Instagram captions preaching “rest over grind,” the soft life movement has exploded (the hashtag boasts over a billion views on TikTok). At its core, living a “soft life” means embracing ease, peace, and self-care as priorities, rather than constantly wearing stress as a badge of honor. Black women, in particular, have been leading this charge – radically choosing tranquility and joy over the burnout of hustle culture. It’s a lifestyle shift away from toxic productivity and toward a gentler day-to-day existence. Imagine: taking your full lunch break (without guilt), using those PTO days for real rest, and setting boundaries like it’s second nature. Sounds dreamy, right?
This movement is about more than just spa days and luxury vacations (though no one’s mad at those perks either!). It’s a rejection of the old mindset that said success has to come with struggle and sacrifice 24/7. Instead, the soft life philosophy says we deserve joy and ease right here, right now. It’s about intentional living – making choices that center our well-being. That might mean choosing an employer who values work-life balance, saying no to relationships that drain us, or simply giving ourselves permission to do nothing on a Saturday afternoon. As one therapist put it, a soft life is about “simplifying your approach to life, prioritizing emotional, mental, and physical well-being, and creating a sense of balance and fulfillment.” It doesn’t mean you’re avoiding responsibility or ambition; it means you’re approaching life on your own terms, aligned with your values and need for rest. In a world that often glorifies being a constant #Boss or chasing excellence, this is a significant mindset shift. And let’s be real — after the collective trauma of the past few years, who isn’t craving a bit more peace?
3 Hard Truths About The Soft Life
Hard Truth #1: Grind Culture is Real (and Costly)
As lovely as the soft life sounds, adopting it isn’t as simple as posting a hashtag. Hard truth: we’re still living in a grind culture that makes slowing down a challenge, especially for professionals in corporate spaces. Many of us work in environments that still expect constant availability and output. The Great Resignation and “quiet quitting” trends of 2022–23 signaled how fed up people were with burnout, yet in 2025 we find that burnout remains above pre-pandemic levels in many industries. The COVID-19 pandemic may have “ended,” but its ripple effects linger – people are exhausted, and the blurred boundaries from years of remote work have left many feeling like we have to always be “on.”
For many professionals from historically marginalized groups, there’s an added layer of pressure. The expectation to work “twice as hard to get half as far” is a familiar refrain that echoes generational realities. Even after the racial reckoning of 2020, corporate America’s commitment to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion is wavering. Just as quickly as they posted solidarity statements, several large companies have buckled to political pressures by quietly rolling back their DEI initiatives. Calls for ending corporate diversity programs have grown more fervent in the current sociopolitical climate, making many employees worry that the supportive measures and ERGs (Employee Resource Groups) we rely on might be under threat. Hard truth: the cavalry may not be coming – at least not as robustly as we’d hoped. This means it’s increasingly on us to safeguard our mental wellness on the job.
What does that look like? It might mean drawing firmer lines between work and personal time (yes, you can log off at 6pm and not check email until the morning). It could mean being deliberate about choosing employers whose values align with yours, or being vocal (when safe to do so) about workload limits. It definitely means letting go of the guilt when you prioritize yourself. The reality is, an unhealthy workplace won’t think twice about draining you dry – so you have to think twice for yourself. Setting boundaries in a grind culture isn’t easy, but it’s a skill we simply must develop. As Dr. Domonique, one of our Black Girl Doctors, wisely wrote: “Without boundaries, burnout is inevitable, and the resentment that follows can hurt the people we love most… Saying ‘no’ isn’t selfish – it’s necessary”. Translation: you have every right to protect your time and energy.
Hard Truth #2: The Strong Black Woman/Man Trope Runs Deep
Another hard truth on the road to a softer life is that we’re often fighting our own conditioning. Many of us have internalized the “strong woman” or “strong man” stereotype – the idea that we must always be tough, unshakeable, and self-sacrificing. While resilience is a beautiful trait of our community, this trope can become a heavy cage. It teaches us to ignore our own needs, to keep pushing no matter what, and to equate asking for help with weakness. Think about it: How many times have you heard (or said) something like “I’ll rest when I’m dead” or worn your overwork as a badge of pride? We often feel we have to be the rock for everyone – at work and at home – which leaves precious little room to tend to our own cracks.
The soft life movement directly challenges this. It says: you are more than your utility to others. You are allowed to be strong and soft, ambitious and rested, caring and cared for. Breaking free from the Superwoman/Superman myth requires us to practice vulnerability and self-compassion. It might mean admitting “I’m not okay” on days you aren’t, or letting a friend or therapist into the struggles you usually hide. It definitely means ditching the idea that you have to “earn” rest or joy by overworking yourself to exhaustion. News flash: You deserve rest simply because you’re human. Period. As one article on the soft life put it, women are redefining strength by choosing self-compassion over constant sacrifice. That’s a powerful shift. It takes courage to step out of the armor we’ve worn for so long, but once you do, you realize how much lighter life can feel.
Even in a culture that glorifies nonstop hustle (notice the “STARTUP” screen glaring on the laptop), choosing to rest is a revolutionary act. Our worth does not reside in how much we produce; sometimes true strength lies in laying down that burden and simply being. Remember: rest is not a reward— it’s a right, as vital as any work we do.
Hard Truth #3: Stress Hits Different for Us – So Our Self-Care Must Too
We can’t talk about soft life without acknowledging the toll that chronic stress and burnout have on our bodies and minds. Long hours and constant pressure affect everyone, but Black women in particular face disproportionate rates of stress-related health issues – from hypertension and tension headaches to anxiety and depression. The emotional labor of navigating microaggressions or being the “only one” in a room adds layers to our stress that others may not see. Black men, similarly, often carry silent stress due to societal expectations to appear stoic and invulnerable. All of this means that when we talk about self-care, it’s not a trivial luxury – it can literally be lifesaving.
The hard truth is that if we don’t prioritize rest and wellness, the effects of grind culture can sneak up on us in dangerous ways. High blood pressure, weakened immune systems, burnout-induced mistakes at work, estrangement in relationships – none of us want these outcomes. We have to remind ourselves (and each other) that rest is resistance. It’s a phrase popularized by Tricia Hersey (a.k.a. The Nap Ministry’s “Nap Bishop”), and it rings true: every time we choose to rest, we are actively pushing back against a system that would happily work us into the ground. We’re saying, my body is not a machine, my mind is not a machine. We’re reclaiming our humanity and our health. It’s a bold stance in a world that often forgets our pain and fatigue. As Hersey writes, “Our worth does not reside in how much we produce… Rest becomes an act of resistance and a reclaiming of power because it asserts our most basic humanity. We are enough. The systems cannot have us.” 🙌🏾 (Talk about a mantra worthy of your mirror!)
So what does this all mean for you as you strive to live a softer life amid hard truths? It means giving yourself radical permission to care for yourself, even when the world around you is rushing. It means being intentional: Boundaries will be your best friend. Rest will be your rebellion. Joy will be your medicine. And community – whether that’s sister-friends who hype up your healing or a therapist who holds space for you – will be your refuge.
7 Tips for Embracing a Softer Life
How do we translate these insights into actionable changes in our daily lives? Take a deep breath and Press Play! Here are 7 research backed strategies and reflections for embracing a softer life amidst hard truths.
Radical Rest as a Practice: Take a page from Tricia Hersey’s Nap Ministry and schedule rest like it’s your most important meeting. This isn’t just about sleep; it’s about mental rest – unplugging from doom-scrolling or the group chat that drains you. Even short moments of stillness can help reset your nervous system. Remember, rest is not a reward, it’s a right. As Hersey reminds us, “we are not machines”, so step off the hamster wheel regularly to just be.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: Nedra Glover Tawwab, a noted therapist and author, emphasizes that boundaries are a form of self-care. At work, this might mean not checking email after 7pm or telling your boss that you’re at capacity when you truly are (scary as that can feel). In our personal lives, it could mean carving out a non-negotiable hour each week that’s just for you – no favors, no “quick calls,” nothing. Saying “no” more often is saying “yes” to the balance and peace you need. Over time, the world will adjust to the boundaries you set – and if it doesn’t, that’s a sign you may need to adjust your environment.
Reject Grind Culture Guilt: The next time you feel guilty for resting – for sleeping in on a Saturday instead of doing side-hustle work, or for choosing a quiet evening over networking – gently ask yourself why. Whose voice is in your head telling you that you haven’t “earned” a break? Is it a parent’s voice, an old boss, or that internalized hustle culture narrative? Practice replacing that guilt with affirmations like: “Rest is productive,” or “I am more than what I accomplish.” Productivity does not define your worth.
Mind-Body Health Check: Stress shows up in our bodies in sneaky ways – headaches, back pain, the 3 p.m. energy crash. Pay attention to those signals. Try incorporating small wellness habits to release stress daily: a 10-minute stretching session in the morning, a brisk walk listening to your favorite music, or even a mini dance party in your living room to shake off tension. For some, therapy or counseling (especially with a culturally aware therapist) can be a game-changer – a space to unload without judgment and learn coping tools. Others might find solace in prayer, meditation, or journaling. The key is to treat your mental and physical health as non-negotiables, just like that meeting you’d never miss or your child’s school pickup. You deserve the same diligent care.
Community and Connection: Soft life doesn’t mean going it alone. In fact, building a supportive community is central to living more gently. Connect with like-minded friends or colleagues who value wellness. Start a “rest circle” or group chat where you share uplifting reminders (a meme about drinking water and minding your business, perhaps?). Share resources, like that great meditation app you found, or a quote from bell hooks or Audre Lorde that inspired you. Across many cultures and traditions, community care has long been a powerful force—whether it’s neighbors bringing food during hard times, coworkers offering quiet mentorship, or intergenerational wisdom passed down with love. Lean into your people. Ask for help when you need it, and offer it when you can—not from obligation, but from a place of shared strength and support.
Purposeful Career Re-calibration: If you find yourself in a workplace that constantly leaves you drained or feeling unsafe, it might be time to rethink your path. The Great Resignation saw many professionals pivot toward entrepreneurship or more values-aligned organizations. If that’s feasible for you, consider what a softer work-life could look like – maybe it’s negotiating a four-day workweek, exploring a new industry that excites you, or even taking a sabbatical if you can manage it. It’s notable that so many people have chosen to leave toxic workplaces; as mentioned earlier, sometimes walking away is an act of self-care. Your job should not feel like an abusive relationship. Of course, not everyone can just quit, but you can recalibrate internally too: mentally divest from the idea of a “dream job” being your everything, and invest energy into passions and skills that fulfill you outside of work. Diversify where you get your validation.
Celebrate Soft Wins: In a world that celebrates grinding, be bold and celebrate softness. Did you take a lunch break away from your desk today? That’s a win. Did you tell someone you’d get back to them later because you needed a break? Huge win. Did you spend a Sunday doing nothing “productive” and relishing every minute of it? You’re winning! Treat these as accomplishments just as much as landing a new client or acing a presentation. Over time, these small shifts accumulate into a life that feels fundamentally different – gentler, more sustainable, truly yours.
Your Environment Matters Too!
Lastly, let’s zoom out and talk about cultivating a whole culture of well-being. Embracing the soft life is not just a personal endeavor; it’s a cultural movement that challenges workplaces and communities to evolve. Workplaces must reconcile that their diversity pledges mean little if their employees are drowning. It’s not enough to put a woman in the C-suite and call it progress if she’s set up to “fix” systemic issues with no support (the dreaded “glass cliff” scenario). Organizations need to address workload equity, provide mental health resources that acknowledge cultural contexts, and protect time off (really protect it – as in, don’t expect an answer to that email on Saturday). Allies and leaders can champion this by normalizing discussions about burnout and pushing back on the glamourization of overwork.
Community-wise, there’s a renaissance of wellness spaces – think of meditation studios, and retreats created for resets and relaxation. The soft life movement finds power here, where rest and joy are seen as communal values. Supporting these spaces and voices (from Tricia Hersey’s rest workshops to Nedra Tawwab’s guidance on boundaries, to authors like Alex Elle or Candice Benbow who write about self-healing) helps reinforce a culture where wellness isn’t a luxury for the few but a right for all.
In essence, “The Soft Life, Hard Truths” is a call to action wrapped in an embrace. It says: We see the mountains you’ve been carrying, and we invite you to set them down. The world may not ease up anytime soon – we’re up against big challenges and old prejudices – but within that reality, we can carve out pockets of softness and insist on our humanity. As high-achieving professionals we have already proven we can do anything. Now, the radical proposition is: we don’t have to do it all at once, or all alone, or at the cost of our health.
As you navigate your own journey, remember that softness is not weakness. It’s strength draped in satin; it’s wisdom choosing its battles. In practicing a softer life, you honor the hard truths without being hardened by them. You become, as feminist poet Nayyirah Waheed writes, “soft enough to offer life, tough enough to survive.”
Together, let’s continue this conversation and cultivate lives that are not just successful on paper, but fulfilling to live – lives where rest, joy, and authenticity are central. That is the vision of the soft life, and it’s a future we all deserve.
Want to go deeper? Read more here.